A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

For those of you who follow my blog, you know I can ramble on and on sometimes...okay, most of the time. With that said, and to lighten the mood after my previous, rather heavy, post, I give you the following photos. I think they say enough, but I should mention that the first one was written sometime around July or August, 2013!  The card was handmade by my son (with a little help from Grandma), and the letter/thoughts were all his doing without any prompting. Enjoy!

Not sure if he was planning to be good for the last two months before Christmas or just August and September!

I'm guessing he was going to be good November and December...still waiting on the verdict...

Since this will probably be my last post in 2013, and because I know everyone checks back daily, I leave you with the following (scroll to the appropriate wish each day and it will be like a new entry!)



Happy Hanukkah!!!


Merry Christmas!!!


Happy Kwanzaa!!!


Happy New Year!!!



and just in case....Happy Valentine's Day!!!  ---%-@  <---that's supposed to be a rose. :)



Whatever you celebrate, I wish you the best, and, as always, thanks for reading!



Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!

Didn't see that one coming

This past October, my wife and I received some amazing news...the test showed a positive sign...as did the second test she took just to be sure. I was on the verge of convincing her to take a third test, you know, just to be sure...oh, wait, that was what the second test was for, wasn't it?

It wasn't that I was not excited (I was extremely excited...and nervous...and happy...and confused...and thrilled...and wondering what the hell we were doing having a kid in our forties...and nervous...but mostly really really excited), it was that I grew up in a generation where women went to the doctors to get a blood test before they found out if she was pregnant or not. Although they are very accurate, I still did not trust the over-the-counter pee-stick...I mean, come on, pee on a stick to see if you are preggers???  What's next? A phone that takes photos or plays music? Ha!  Yeah, right!

Let's take a step back for a moment...back to the moment I found out for the first time. As I was preparing dinner, Jane asked me to go upstairs to the bathroom and grab something off the counter. I briefly thought to myself, "Why don't you go get it, I'm cooking dinner...geez!" but my smart brain kicked in, just in time, and said, "Yes, dear." When I arrived, I noticed a stick sitting on a piece of open wrapping. Being the observant and curious one, I looked at it.  There it was, a pee stick. I have seen them before, so I was not surprised to see it there, but just for giggles, I picked it up. As my fingers touched the handle of the stick, I saw the "+"...

So, here I am, about to pick up a stick that has just been peed on, having a million emotions from all ends of the emotion spectrum blazing through my little brain, not knowing which emotion to hold on to, wondering when we can share the news, planning how we will share the news, thinking, "nah, its a false positive", wondering, "how are we going to do this?', planning the call to Auntie, to whom I promised seven years ago she would be the first to know, looking in the mirror and seeing my happy face - which doesn't appear often enough, and at one point, even wondering whose test this was since it clearly must belong to someone else (not really sure why I thought that last one, but I did). By the time my fingers actually lifted the stick off of the counter, my brain was exhausted.

In the next few days, Jane and I talked about names, genders, possibilities - both good and bad, when do we make the announcement, how we tell our 12 year old son, and quite possibly the most important thing in her eyes - which books to buy.  The first three days were completely consumed with baby talk. She and I both knew it was going to be a girl, so we concentrated on the girl names. It was then that we both noticed that girl names are so much more interesting and cooler than boy names.  We developed a list of possibilities, eventually deciding on Farren Delaney.

Farren means bold traveler, or adventurous. Lately, it seems our lives are in a prelude to much larger adventures. Time will tell. Delaney means dark challenger...yeah, not so thrilled with the challenger part, but the reason we chose Delaney was because of "De" meaning "of" and "La" part of "Larry" and "aney" part of "Jane"...thus, "of Larry and Jane"...Delaney...get it?

So at this time, we decided we needed to tell our son. As an Aspie, he does not like to be surprised with sudden changes, but as our son he has grown accustomed to some changes through practice and teachings from us; however, this would not be a little change in plans, no, this was a HUGE change in plans. We planned to video record his reaction, and we did, but I won't post it here since he was walking around in his PJs (underwear and one of my old tee-shirts), but I will try to describe it for you.

We learned that at that particular time, Farren would be about the size of a grain of rice. Which, even now, completely amazes me that something so incredibly magical can start off so small. Jane picked out a cute little grain of brown rice and laid her down in a cozy little ramekin. Grant sat down on the couch, wondering why we called him downstairs before bedtime. As Jane and Grant sat next to each other, I filmed (although I'm not sure I can call it filming anymore since it was done with my phone...) Jane placing the little piece of rice into Grant's 12 year old hand. Jane asked, "Do you know what it is?" to which Grant replied, "Its a grain of rice."

As he inspected the grain with puzzlement, Jane opened an app on her phone that shows the progression of birth by the week. Once the drawing of the baby was visible on the screen, Jane turned the phone to Grant who then said, "What's that? It looks like a whale."  Jane replied, "It's an embryo. It's about six weeks old. Do you know how big they are?" Grant replied, "No." "What's in your hand?" asked Jane. "A grain of rice." said Grant. Jane followed up with, "So that's how big your little baby brother or sister is at this point."

"WHAT?!?!?" Grant excitedly replied. Jane started giggling and Grant continued with, "Mom! What? I'm having a brother? Really??? Mom?" Jane replied with, "It might be a sister, too!" At this point he stood up, clearly thrilled with the idea and said, "I'm going to be a big brother or sister!" After the laughter of that last comment, and his realization of what he just said, and with his hands on top of his head in the "I can't believe this" pose, he looked at Jane and calmly said, "Am I dreaming?"

At this point, his brain began to fully understand what was happening. He told Jane she was going to be a mommy again and looked a bit worried. When Jane asked how he felt about all of this, "Scared." was his only answer. Trust me kid, I know what you mean! The amazement and happiness were still there, but they began to break up into pieces with the voids being replaced by concern. Grant leaned into Jane and the flood gates opened up.

"I don't want to be a big brother." he cried. "Why not?" we both asked. "Because I'm scared." he said. The funny thing is, everyone of our friends and colleagues who have seen him in action have commented on how great he does with younger kids...even babies. He is a natural. One day, he is going to be an amazing father.

So, in a matter of three minutes, his emotions went from puzzlement, then to happiness, then to worry. I stopped recording at that point, but the story doesn't end here.  What happened next is what I found to be very interesting and what I would guess is an Aspie trait...but I could be wrong - it might just be a 12 year old trait, or maybe just a typical response to big changes.  Who knows?

Over the course of the next few weeks, we called my aunt and uncle first to share the news (I finally was able to keep my promise), then my folks, had a doctor's visit, told a select few friends, and planned on how we would tell my sisters and Jane's family. With each phone call Grant was thrilled to share the news. His worry seemed to have subsided back into excitement.

As the seasons began to change, Grant started complaining about a headache. I attributed it to the pressure changes and seasonal issues. The leaves were falling, the rain came and went, and the temperatures fluctuated often. His demeanor was also changing with Mother Nature. A week or so went by, and his headaches continued. During this time, Jane and I began to realize Farren may not make it to full term. With our worries, even though we tried to remain positive and lighthearted around Grant, added to the mix, it was pretty clear Grant was experiencing a myriad of emotions.

Grant took it upon himself to find a diagnosis for his constant headaches. One day he had a brain tumor, the next he thought his scratched glasses were the cause. Another day he chalked it up to falling asleep a half hour later than usual, and the next he blamed the soccer ball that he headed at recess one day. He stayed with the brain tumor for a while and it was at this point I took him to see the doctor.

When the doctor entered the examining room, she had already been briefed by me about the many changes going on in our lives. She asked the typical questions, probed the typical orifices,and examined the typical things you examine. Diagnosis: no brain tumor. Headaches related to tension. Almost immediately, the 500 pound weight was lifted from this little boy's shoulders.

Over the next few days, his headaches were disappearing, but so was something else; Farren. After three visits to the doctor's office, it became more apparent that Farren would not get to see me cry rivers of happy tears when she arrived sometime in mid-2014. Once faced with the realization, we decided we should inform Grant. As heavy as the conversation was, the little guy handled it quite well. Although relieved, his empathy for our loss was heartfelt and amazingly sincere for a 12 year old Aspie; however, in the end, I believe he was more relieved than sad - which we explained to him was perfectly normal.

Although Farren Delaney never made it into my arms, in the short time she was with us she taught us more than we could have learned in years of experience. In addition to my wife's life changing lessons, and my realization of where I am in my life and where I want to be in the near future, she taught us that Grant is still a young guy who may not always get the correct diagnosis from WebMd, but that he will persevere and he is a well grounded individual who is very empathetic and pretty deep for a 12 year old Aspie.

We won't try again, which was a difficult decision for both Jane and I to make, but after realizing the Universe has other plans for us, such as focusing on raising a child who will grow up to be someone very special to the world, we figured it was best to quit while we were ahead. That and we only have six more years to go before Grant is off to college and Jane and I can vacation in south France without having to explain to a young boy why only the bottoms of the bathing suits are worn over there! 




Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!

Do you want a Band-Aid for that splintered femur?

I have been trying to think of a way to approach a specific topic for the past few days, and although I have thought of many possibilities, none seem to work. Therefore, I am just going to get on my soapbox and chat away.  This topic has been on Facebook, MSN, and every newspaper in the US (and probably many media sources overseas), for years, but most recently it seems to have taken a shot of that 5-hour energy drink because I am seeing it everywhere I turn. The topic I am referring to is gun control. Whether you are for or against gun control, please read this entry in its entirety before jumping to conclusions or sticking to a particular stance.

Now, I know what you are thinking...you are talking to your computer screen saying, "but, Larry, your blog is about your son who has Asperger's and not about gun control. This makes no sense and you shouldn't be talking about that sort of thing here!"  That might be true, but this is my blog and I can cry if I want to!  Okay, back to being serious...just give me a chance to explain my logic...and I think you will discover how gun control relates to Aspies.

If you know me, you know that I do not care for or follow politics. I do not believe there is an absolute right or wrong way to do something.  Some see that as accepting and some see that as non-committal.  You can pick which one you think it is. But, I do, wholeheartedly, believe our politicians (and many citizens) would rather put a Band-Aid on a splintered femur just to say they did something to help the problem. Yeah, you wasted time, money, and resources and guess what, that broken femur is still broken and hurts like hell when you move it. Why not address the problem at its root? If you don't, the problem keeps coming back.

Here's one, one day I was driving down the highway with my son.  We were on our way to school, the traffic was bad, but I was still traveling at or around the speed limit.  I suddenly heard what appeared to be a massive "clank" followed by a "bang" then a rhythmic "clop...clop...clop...clop."  I looked in my rear-view mirror and noticed some type of automotive part flopping around the asphalt, bouncing forward trying desperately to catch up to no avail. When it realized the attempt to reunite with its other family members was futile, it lay slumped in despair, hugging the yellow line for comfort, only to be squashed by an 18-wheeler going 70 mph.

The "clop...clop...clop...clop" carried on and would not go away.  There must be a serious problem, I thought. The noise is not going away, the part clearly came from my car, but I am still moving forward so it can't be that bad. The constant noise then became irritating.  I need to fix this problem, I thought, and quickly. At this time, I discovered the solution...I turned up the radio loud enough where I no longer heard that dreadful "clop...clop...clop...clop." Problem solved!

Pretty silly, isn't it.  I solved the problem by pretending the clopping sound wasn't there and replaced it with the radio.  I put a Band-Aid on the problem. Guess what, it didn't fix a damn thing.

But, Larry, how does this relate to gun control?  Glad you asked. But first, let's look at these mass-shootings and where the gun violence is coming from. In Connecticut (Sandy Hook), the shooter was an Aspie, or at the very least, had mental health issues that were noticed in previous years but, apparently, were not correctly treated.  In the Navy Yard shootings, the gunman was previously released from the Navy after showing patterns of misbehavior aka potential behavioral health issues. In 2012, a gunman whose lawyers described him as having a mental illness, shot over 80 people, killing 12, in a theater. Obviously this is just a sampling of many other events such as these, but the similarities should be obvious - they all had some sort of mental / behavioral health issue.

It has been reported that 75% of all gun related deaths are gang related. I'm just guessing on this one, but, I don't think any of the guns used by gangs are registered. Okay, maybe a handful might be registered, but do you really think gun control will affect gangs? Yeah, probably not.

Australia put into place a strict gun control policy that eliminated private gun ownership.  The idea was to curb violent crimes and gun related crimes in the country. I believe in facts, so what I am about to write needs a disclaimer - I did not take the time to verify the following information and cannot validate its accuracy nor do I know when the information was first published; however, from the time the gun ban started until the time of the news report in Australia, armed robbery had risen 69%, assault with a gun went up 28%, gun related murders went up 19% and home invasions increased by 21%. Hmmm, that one didn't turn out the way they had planned, did it?  The real question is, where did the criminals get all of these guns if they were banned?  Clearly, "eliminating" guns did not work. 

So, by now you probably think I am against gun control.  Well, yes, but that is NOT the issue here.  Applying gun control is putting a Band-Aid on a much more serious issue.  The real issue is mental health. While we are putting all of our time, effort, and money into debating the gun control issues, the mental health issues get put aside.

In addition, there is the term "slippery slope"  If every gun, registered or not, magically disappeared today, do you think the killings would stop? No, because knives, baseball bats, iron poles, swords, arrows, and so on still exist, as do the mental health issues. Does this mean we should ban knives, too? Would that mean I would have to turn in my 14 inch chopping knife that I use for meal prep?  Hmmm, no more baseball bats? The problem is not the weapon.  The weapon is a tool at rest at all times until someone uses that tool. The problem, therefore, is the user. Fix the disease, not the symptom.

We do not put Band-Aids on broken limbs and turning up the radio will not fix a car problem. If a problem itself is not addressed, the problem will never go away. Tools are not the problem, the user is the problem.  Fix the user and the rest will follow.








Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!

What just happened?

Wow. What just happened?  A year and a half went by in the blink of an eye...I should have been fired a long time ago.  Almost a year and a half without an entry...shame on me.  I do have a pretty good excuse, though.  Let me tell you about it...

Oh, and this post will have nothing to do with Asperger's...aside from the fact that it's just a glimpse of "normal" family life (is there ever a normal?)...This one is just me filling in the blank year. (Ugh. Year. Where did the time go?)

As you may or may not know, we moved to North Carolina a while back (three years ago October 1st).  We had been renting a house and looking to purchase our own place.  Our lease on the rental was coming to an end and we were extremely anxious to get out of the "crap shack" as my son so eloquently put it one day.  He did not exaggerate either.  To be honest, he may have given it too much praise with his description.

At one time, it was a beautiful home, but the slum-lord, uh, I mean landlord, neglected the home so much the problems were not easily seen until we had moved in - things like, leaking windows, leaking roof, furnace not working, refrigerator dying on us the day before Christmas, and so on became apparent as the days went on.  This place is also where my wife fell down the steps and broke her ankle in three places four months after moving in - so the mojo/juju/lovely home-sweet-home feeling was definitely not there for her. In addition, this is where we first started the "steps" for our son, so he was not too thrilled with that place either.  Me?  Well, I had a garage to store my non-running Jeep, so I was happy there...more or less.

Needless to say, we were all anxious to find a place of our own.  Early in the year, we began our search.  We looked at homes five miles to fifty miles away from where the rental home was.  Our search led us to a mountain retreat setting smack dab in the middle of town to a home in the neighboring county.  The only home, in my opinion, that was in the running was the mountain retreat home...but there was a catch.

The mountain retreat home was, literally, walking distance from the shopping center and main thoroughfare.  It was 4000+ square feet (about 2000 more than what we need) of beautiful hardwood floors, five bedrooms, three levels, a bonus room, a huge kitchen, and a view that would knock your socks off.  Deer, horses, hawks, and a number of other furry creatures roamed the spacious back yard...which was plainly visible from every room in the house (except for those up front, of course). No other home could be seen from any window...it was a bit of heaven.

However...it was a short sale...and it needed some work...okay, it needed A LOT of work...new roof, new windows, new exterior everything.  The house was falling apart, but the inside was in good shape...except for the extreme need of updated appliances.  The asking price was within our budget and well below market value, so, we put in an offer...

When we did not hear anything for a few days, our agent called the listing agent and learned it would take six to eight weeks to hear back from the bank...huh?  Really?  And they wonder why they are having problems with all of the foreclosures and short-sales?  Really?  Come on, folks.

About the time we made an offer, we looked at another home.  This one was not as big (but still much bigger than we need) and did not have the scenery, but it had a large semi-flat yard, was in a beautiful neighborhood, and the investment opportunity was huge.  My wife loved it, I liked it, and my son...well, one day he liked it, the next he hated it (I think one of the reasons for the hate was because it has two sets of stairs), so his vote didn't count. :)  We went back a few times to look and each time, it felt more and more like home.  Yes, it needed some work, but not nearly as much as the mountain retreat home.  Well, that is what we thought, anyway...

When I told the real estate agent to be certain to include the John Deere riding mower in with the offer (there was NO way I was going to use my 19 inch push mower on almost an acre of land!), he looked at me like I had three heads. The offer was a bit low so we figured a counter offer would come in shortly. In the meantime, we had an inspection completed; which I was a part of since I was, at that time, attending class to become a licensed inspector. With my teacher performing the primary inspection, a trainee following along on his own, and my rookie eyes, we would know exactly what we were getting...or so we thought. 

The inspection came back with around 35 items that needed to be attended to.  Of those 35 items, only 5 were significant enough to cause a concern. Malfunctioning toilets were not on the list. This was exactly what I had hoped for - a list of silly items that were easy enough for me to fix, but sounded bad enough to decrease the purchase price, or, in other words, a bargaining chip, or 30.  So, we contacted the seller, explained the "problems" and went back to negotiating. Eventually, we all came to an agreement, and we were on our way to buying our "Forever Home" in North Carolina.

Being the easy-going guy that I am, there were only two things I specifically wanted...1. the riding mower, and 2. the settlement date could not, under any circumstances, be on April 13th (which happened to be a Friday that year). April 12th, no problem.  April 16th, sure.  April 9th, absolutely. As a matter of fact, the ninth was the chosen date and everyone was in agreement, except for the financial bozos - who, I might add, had almost six months to prepare for this.  Apparently, they needed six months and four days...

So, at 5:30 pm on April 13th, my wife, son, and I (no, our agent didn't make it) headed to the lawyer's office to sign the paperwork. I guess looking at it in baseball terms, I was doing pretty good batting 1 for 2, or .500 for an average. I will consider the mower a triple, but the settlement date was a strike-out turned into a triple play by the other team, so that .500 average is a bit inflated.  Perhaps you might notice I am sports oriented and therefore, by default, a bit superstitious.  Needless to say, I was not happy about settling on a "Forever House" on a Friday the 13th.  But, superstitions are just silly mental blocks, right?

At this point, one might assume all went well...you know what happens when you assume things, right?  We found out the sellers had already signed the paperwork and, therefore, were not present.  Then we found out we did not receive almost $6,000 we were promised for repairs at settlement.  Think it stops here?  Not hardly...next, we discovered if we did not sign the contract, we could be held liable and could be in big trouble.  We were stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, we might not ever see the 6k, on the other, we might lose the house and still have to pay for everything, and on yet another (yes, I know that makes three hands, silly), we did not really have a choice at this point.  But wait, there's more...

So the paperwork is signed, the documents copied, and the lawyer says thank you for doing business with her and have a great weekend...wait a minute, don't we get keys, or something like that?  At 7:00 pm on Friday the 13th of April, the lawyer says, no, I do not have any keys to give you.  Lovely. 

Being the observant one, and one to ask a multitude of what appear to be silly and useless questions, I learned early on during the whole process what the combination to the key box was, so I was not terribly worried about getting in.  We had already decided to change the locks immediately after moving in so the lack of a key was not terribly significant.  At this point, it was just par for the course.

The first thing I did when I got to our new home was check the garage.  Okay, phew, the mower is still there!  Woohoo!  Maybe there is hope after all!  The three of us took our first tour in our new home (we didn't own it the first nine times we looked at it!  Geez, do I have to explain everything to you?  Come on, stick with the group!), excited to take possession, despite the near FUBAR we had just experienced.  One of us, and I honestly do not remember which one of us, decided to plant the flag, so to speak, in the upstairs bathroom.  Yes, this was truly OUR home now. 

About 45 minutes later, we decided we should get something to eat.  At dinner we each took turns discussing our plans, wish lists, and projects we planned to do with the house.  Pool, second garage/workshop/pool house, new roof, new deck, new windows, bump outs, painting, and many more ideas were thrown out there. Most were dreams, some were practical, some were necessities, others were pretty far-fetched. We had it all planned out...but we forgot it was Friday the 13th, and we didn't have the $6,000, nor did we have any keys...but we owned the house!

Saturday morning on the 14th, I rolled out of bed, way too early.  I was on my way to my inspection class at the local community college; yes, the same one I spoke about earlier with the home inspection.  Half way through the class, I realized I had a voice mail.  Since I did not have service inside the classroom, I have no idea when the actual call was made; but regardless of the time, I soon realized it was an urgent message.  My wife had called to say that she and Grant were at the house and the ceiling in the kitchen is leaking - get here quickly.  On a good day with no traffic, I would be 30 minutes away.  I immediately called her back, discovered the toilet (yes, the one we "planted the flag" in) was overflowing, and was coming through the ceiling in the kitchen, leaking all over the hardwood floors.  Actually, when I say leaking, I should say it looked like a waterfall after the winter's thaw in some northern territory's mountain range...yes, it was a steady pour, not a leak.  I tried to explain to my wife how to turn off the water to the toilet to minimize the damage but the old plumbing would not budge for her.  I told her to gather anything available (fortunately, the previous owners left a bunch of buckets - among other odds and ends) to catch the water and I would be there as soon as I could.  I made it home in 18 minutes that day.

After turning off the water upstairs, I cut an eight by eight foot section of saturated ceiling Sheetrock to help dry out the area. On a positive note, I learned which way the floor joists were laid...of course I could have figured that out without the leak, but I digress.  Apparently, the toilet, which did indeed (thank God!) flush the "flag" before it decided to malfunction, had met it's final flush and had been running since the previous night - yes, the previous night being Friday the 13th, I might add in case you forgot. 

At this point, I was flabbergasted.  Realizing this little issue was beyond my abilities (I have...errr, HAD no experience with hardwood floors other than refinishing a small room) I called the insurance company and submitted our first ever claim. After a $2,500 deductible, hours spent prepping - patching, 1990's era wallpaper removal, and more patching - and painting every one of the first floor walls since the entire first floor was going to be redone since it is all hardwood and a simple repair would not work correctly thus taking advantage of not worrying about spilling paint on the floors, a month and two weeks later we moved in. How was that for a run-on sentence!?!?! 

Now I realize that only covers about a month or two since my last post but if I tried to explain what happened after that little fiasco, I would probably qualify for a novella writer and not a blogger.  I am already pushing the limits, so for now, I will close, but I promise, my reasoning for not writing is justified...well, mostly justified, anyway.  Perhaps I will write more about the gap in later installments and I will certainly get back to writing about a pondering dad with an Aspie child, so until then, sorry for the delay and, as always, thanks for reading!

Oh, and yes, we did receive the money owed to us, but I think it was out of pity since they did not have to pay after we signed the paperwork...and one more thing...about the time the repairs were finishing up, I learned that we did not technically own the house on the 13th since the paperwork was not filed until the following Monday the 16th, which means we, again, technically, could have turned around on Saturday morning after witnessing the indoor pool, canceled the contract and left...yeah, even if I knew that at the time, I wasn't going to be the one to tell my wife she isn't getting her house...I ain't stupid!





Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!

April showers bring...

This morning I was reading an article on a popular news website.  The article was about healthy eating and how some of the foods we believe to be bad for us are actually quite nutritious.  The article detailed many misconceptions about certain foods such as; dark chocolate, wine, ice cream, and a handful of others that I cannot remember at this time.  Needless to say, I was thrilled to see ice cream was on the list!

After reading the article, my family and I decided to head out to the local greasy spoon for breakfast.  Once in a while we like to splurge and give our bodies a "wake-up" brunch that consists of fatty, greasy, high-cholesterol, artery clogging food.  Today was that day...and boy, was it good!

During our brunch, I was telling my son about the good news - since he is too young to drink wine, I omitted that part, but proceeded to tell him about the dark chocolates and ice cream.  I explained to him the benefits of ice cream and suggested he pick out a few flavors for dinner next week.  As his eyes widened, he enthusiastically started naming off a plethora of Ben & Jerry's flavors.  "I want Phish Food and Triple Carmel Chunk and vanilla, no, no vanilla, but yes to chocolate, and Phish Food, and there are so many I can't remember them all!" he said in one breath.  "No, really, Dad?  Are you serious?" he questioned.   I replied, "Yes, the article said how healthy ice cream is for us, so I thought we could just make our dinners this week be nothing but ice cream.  So, what other flavors do you want?"  At about the middle of that last question, I suddenly felt my wife's hand hit my leg under the table.

"I want Phish Food, and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and Chocolate Fudge Brownie, and Phish Food, and maybe vanilla.  I don't know if I want vanilla or not, but I want Phish Food!" he repeated.  Cool as a cat I just looked at him, nodded my head and said, "Okay, I'll get those.  Maybe we will have the Phish Food on Friday." 

"Really?  Are we really going to have ice cream for dinner every night this week?" he asked with a hopeful but perplexed look. 

I said, "Sure, but first you have to tell me what today is." 

"Sunday." he responded with an even more perplexed look on his face, wondering what the day had to do with anything. 

"Sunday, the what?" I asked.

"Ummm, Sunday the 1st of April...oh man!" he replied.

Yeah, I got him.  





Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!

Update on the Token Economy

Once again, it seems I wrote an entry a few months ago and neglected to post it.  I'm blaming it on the ADD again (See?  ADD can be useful in so many ways!).   So, without further ado, here it is...

A little over a month has passed and our token economy (TE) is in full swing.  I thought it would be a good idea to give an update for any of you interested in wondering how it is working.  In a nutshell...better than expected, but also in need of some fine tuning.

When my wife and I started the TE, we went out of our way to give tokens for every possible good deed that our son performed.  We were diligent, excited, and probably a little over-the-top about what we deemed token worthy.  The idea was to get our son to realize how easy it was to earn a positive mark when positive actions are made with hopes that he would continue the positive behavior on his own.  I am happy to report that it has worked...well, it has, at least, improved his morale and everyday behavior.  Like any of us, he has his good days and bad, but overall, the TE has worked. 

My son has asked, on a few occasions, how he could earn more tokens.  My answer to that question was a simple, there is no way you can earn tokens other than by performing good deeds, doing the right thing because it is the right thing, or from well-intended actions that are from your heart.  Performing tasks to get tokens will not earn tokens.  In other words, you earn the tokens, you do not get them. 

He did not understand this concept at first, but eventually grasped the idea.  When he did something token worthy, we would give him a token and say something along the lines of, "You did a good job of putting your socks away without being asked, here's a token!"  If he asked for a token after he put his socks away, he wouldn't get one.  He learned quickly, and now does not ask for tokens.  The idea is to reward good behavior because of his good choice, not because he made a choice to earn a token.  Little by little, he began to understand - bad choices get bad consequences (steps) and good choices get good consequences.  

I have seen some variations of the token economy where the parent will make a list of token chores, or they have explained what tasks will be token worthy, but we decided to separate the two and concentrate on allowing our son to think for himself and make positive, ethical, decisions.  The chores are still a necessity, but they do not earn tokens; chores are done because that is what families do - work together.  We also have jobs that he can do that are neither token paid nor are they chores; he gets real money for those...when he does them...or rather, if he ever does them (that is another blog-worthy story for a later date).  So, tokens are earned for taking out the trash when it becomes full without being asked, or putting away the clean dishes from the dishwasher without being asked, or being polite despite being in a crabby mood, and so on.  Tokens are earned with his positive thoughts and actions.

As I mentioned above, the first few weeks we showered him with tokens.  When he reached his first milestone - changing 25 tokens for a star - we made a big celebration for it and praised his ability to reach his goals.  He was excited, of course, and was ready to spend his first star.  I am going to blame my ADD and because I have slept since then, but I do not remember what his first "purchase" was.  Oh...my wife just informed me that his fist "purchase" with his stars was a model that he and I can work on together.  Hmmm, now I feel like a bad parent for not remembering THAT one!  In any case, he was very excited to make a run to the local hobby store and pick out a model.  The token economy came full circle.


UPDATE: So, as I mentioned in the first paragraph, I wrote the above (well, most of it, anyway) months and months ago but forgot to publish it.  Since then, the token economy still works and is alive and well.  Our son does not receive as many tokens now as he did when we first started the system, but not because of his poor choices; on the contrary, actually.  His smaller good choices are now a part of everyday life...most of the time - he still has moments, like all of us do, but all-in-all, he is making good choices on a regular basis.  As a result, we are trying to get him to think about constant self-improvement, so token worthy choices have now become things like, looking at people when he talks to them, or better yet, looking at all of the people involved in the conversation instead of focusing on just one (not an easy feat for an Aspie); or maybe a token worthy action might be to have a fuss-free weekend instead of a fuss-free afternoon.  He has graduated from getting a token for picking up his socks without being asked to earning a token for putting away his socks, coat, shoes, and dirty clothes - without being asked, and he earns five tokens for receiving a 100% on his science test (actually, he even did the extra credit and ended up with 110%!) instead of a token for turning in his homework on time.  Something that has not changed, however, is how he earns tokens - we decide based on his choices not because he did something just to get a token.

In summary (I've always wanted to say that outside of a school paper...), the system works.  Follow the directions, stick to it, modify it how ever you want, but try it, you'll like it (especially if your kid's name is Mikey - sorry, had to do it).  If you stick to the overall concept and stay on it early on, I think you will be amazed at the outcome.  Although this practice works great for Asperger's kids, I imagine with a little modification it would work equally as well for any kid...and maybe some adults, too!  (Actually, my wife is giving two hours off to her staff next week IF they all meet a specific deadline...token economy in action in the workplace!)

Let me know how it is working for you...assuming you are trying it, of course!

As always, thanks for reading! 



Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!

Crumb Coated Cod

 My son tends to fixate on things.  From what I understand, this is a common trait for Aspies.  Since this is going to be a dinner topic entry, I will use a food related example.  A typical conversation may go something like this:

Son - Dad, what's for dinner?

Me - Hamburgers.

Son - What's in the hamburger?

Me - Meat. (me being a smart-ass)

Son - What else are you putting in the meat?

Me - Spices.

Son - What spices?

Me - Garlic powder, pepper, and salt.

Son - What type of pepper are you putting in?

Me - Black pepper.

Son - I don't like black pepper.

Me - You liked it just fine the past five meals we had.

Son - But I don't like black pepper today.  Now I'm going to have steps because I won't eat my dinner.  Do you have to fix hamburgers?  (This is where the pouting and frustration begins)

Me - Go play a game or watch TV and don't worry about what is in the meal.

Five minutes later...

Son - Dad, can you use something other than black pepper?

Me - No.

Son - (frustration levels rising again...anger brewing)

Four minutes later...

Son - Dad, what if you put oregano in the meat instead of black pepper?

Me - Wouldn't work the same.

Son - But I don't like black pepper.

Me - (My frustration levels start to churn)  Just watch your TV.

Three minutes later...

Son - Dad...

And so the story goes.  It does not matter what ingredients I use, what meal I prepare, or where we go, he finds something that he does not like and fixates on that one particular item. The obsession is not always negative.  He also does this with Legos, Star Wars, WWII, and any thing he takes an interest in - good or bad.  We try to "bump" him off the topic, but it does not always work.  So, I devised a devious plan...muhahaha...

Each week, I make a menu of dinner plans for the upcoming week and post in on the fridge door in plain sight.  I do not do this so that everyone can see what we are having; no, I do this because I will not remember what I have planned and will never cook the ingredients that I just purchased from the grocery store.  The side affect to this is, everyone can see what we are having...including my son.

This past week, I wanted to prepare a cod recipe.  From a previous experience, I realized I could not write "Cod" on Friday's date, so I nicknamed it; "3C w/Orzo AR 1" was all I wrote.  Fortunately, my ADD brain was able to remember that "AR 1" meant the Allrecipes website print out.  Once my son saw the planner, he zeroed in on Friday's meal.

Son - What's for dinner on Friday, Dad?

Me - You will find out.  Don't worry about it.  I really think you will like it so do not fixate on it.  This is going to be one of those meals that you get a check mark for trying (a new idea from the nutritionist - try a new meal without fussing, get a check mark.  Get 14 check marks, get a prize...so far we are up to two check marks and it has only been a week and a half!) 

Just hang out in the living room, no peeking, and no fixating.  It is breaded, so I know you will like it.  I am not going to tell you what is in the dinner, so don't ask.  You need to try it before I tell you what it is. (Yeah, I didn't think it would work either)

Son - Okay.

Me - (Thinking - wow, that was easier than I expected!)

So, on with the recipe...

Crumb Coated Cod - aka 3C w/orzo AR 1

Ingredients -

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

2 tablespoons water

1 envelope Italian salad dressing mix

2 cups crushed stuffing mix

4 (6 ounce) fillets cod (I used Kirkland/Costco frozen brand.  I think there are 5 or 6 fillets in a bag)

Directions - (It doesn't get much easier than this)

In a shallow bowl, combine the oil, water and salad dressing mix. Place the stuffing mix in another bowl. Dip fillets in salad dressing mixture, then in stuffing. Place on a greased baking sheet. Bake at 425 degrees F for 15-20 minutes or until fish flakes easily with a fork.

That's it.

I used olive oil instead of veggie oil, and seasoned bread crumbs instead of stuffing, mostly because we already had those ingredients and I didn't want to spend the money on similar ingredients.  I did double the dressing mix, oil and water mixture, but I wish I hadn't.  I ended up having about 3/4 more than I needed, so I poured the remaining mixture in with the fillets before placing them in the oven.  This also took care of the "greased pan" item.

I was not able to find the nutritional information, but the bread crumbs did not make a very heavy coat, and the rest of the ingredients are pretty good for you...except, maybe, the dry salad dressing mix.  Other than that, I would guess that this was a pretty healthy meal.  I added whole wheat orzo, can corn with dill, and baked beans (what?  the can had been sitting in the pantry long enough and I wanted them!).  So, I covered the grains, protein, and veggies.  Well, at least I think I did.  Hey, it was colorful, at least.  

The verdict

It is very important to remember that my wife and I do not really like fish.  We will eat it, but we are not crazy about it.  As a matter of fact, the ONLY reason we are eating it is because of that stupid health kick/marathon thing I am doing. 

My wife:  She gave it a 5 out of 5 stars.  This is actually a very rare occurrence for her.  Most of the meals I fix get a 4 from her, some get a 3 or less, but few get a 5.  No, I am not that bad of a cook...she and I are just very picky.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Me:  I gave it a 4.5 out of 5.  I thought it was very good, but I liked a different recipe for cod that we tried a month or so ago better.  I think the beans may have factored into the final score as well.  Alone, the beans would have received a 5 out of 5, but not so much with cod.  Lesson learned.

My son....drum roll, please...3.5 out of 5.  He really enjoyed it, until he found out it was cod.  Then he changed his score to the 3.5.  Which, if you think about it, is still pretty good.  Granted, he did not eat a lot, but he had what would amount to two or three bites for an adult.  This may not seem like much, but after what we have been through in the past few months, this is a huge step forward. 

Overall - YUM!  It will be fixed again. I think it will still need to be called 3C, though...at least one more time! 

Here's the link, if you are interested...Crumb-Coated-Cod

Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!

Am I a bad parent because it makes me laugh?

(Alternate title: Thank God my parents did not think of this one...)

Although I cannot take credit for thinking up the following consequence of poor behavior, I can say that it is extremely effective and sometimes makes me chuckle...ok, maybe it makes me laugh so much that tears run down my cheek...does that make me a bad parent?  I can justify my behavior by the success of the "time" for the "crime," though, which would make me a good parent....right?  Don't answer that, I'll just keep believing its true.

First, let me describe the consequence; in a word, "stairs" aka, "steps." Never before has one simple word brought a temper tantrum to such an abrupt halt for a ten year old boy.  Usually, just the mention of "stairs" is enough to stop his misdemeanors cold, but if he carries on, he must go up and down the staircase for the amount determined by the boss (Mom and/or Dad).  The total amount of stairs is based on his actions that led to the mentioning of the terrible word, by said boss.  In other words, if he really messes up, he gets lots of stairs, which he hates...of course.

One "dose" of the stairs equals a trip up and down the staircase.  He must put both feet on the floor at the top of the steps, and at the bottom, before one stair can be counted.  These rules are not to be broken and must be enforced. In addition (this one was my genius at work), he must not touch the walls of the staircase at any time, or he will have to do the whole stair over - this has since eliminated any and all fingerprints about four feet above the floor in the staircase!  (He is, however, allowed to use the bannister since his mother recently fell down those stairs, broke her ankle and now has a huge phobia about it...)

We do not use the stairs every time, and we do not abuse them either.  The stairs can be done all at once, or little by little, but the catch is that he is on complete and total restriction until all stairs are complete.  If he chooses to wait a day, that is fine, but he gets absolutely no privileges until he pays his dues.  In the event that we choose not to sentence him to stairs, he gets to alphabetize the bookcase or the CD case (I own over 800 CDs and my wife has close to that many books), sometimes by author's last name, sometimes by author's third letter of last name, or sometimes by title. Dirty words coming out of his mouth?  He gets to clean the trash can...and it needs to be spotless.  In a nutshell, you don't need stairs to apply the method!      Whatever it is, the time fits the crime.

When he is in the process of completing the stairs, he is usually moaning and groaning about the mean person who thought up the consequence of stairs and how they must love to torture kids (I think that person is a genius).  This alone is enough to bring a smile to my face, but not because I am sadistic; rather, I smile because I know he is thinking about his actions that led to the stairs.  I try to make him realize there is a reaction to every action and that he needs to be aware of his part in that reaction, hoping to teach him accountability, a trait that we do not see often in today's society.  I can almost see his mind gears turning round and round, making sense of the whole situation...which is a huge relief to a parent whose kid is smarter than he is.

When he has completed the steps, he must (on his own) apologize, name the reason for the apology, and ask for forgiveness.  

Ironically, in a sense, we are breaking him down, just to rebuild him back up again.  This time we can make him better, stronger, faster...but we are not going to call him Steve Austin.  (Yes, you have to be of a certain age of generation to get that reference!)  The point is not to make him complete unjustified physical work, but to make him think twice before he acts the next time.  The stairs provides a good source of exercise (so that candy he just took without asking is now exercised off) and a tangible consequence.

Tonight, he earned 30 stairs and alphabetizing two shelves of books.  I'm sure it won't be the last time he does a round of stairs, but at least it has made him think a little bit before he breaks a rule, which means he is learning.  Now, he is determining if the crime is worth the time, before he tries to get away with something.  Which is exactly why I'm so thankful to have found this parenting tool...I was running out of ideas!  And yes, I am VERY happy my parents did not have this tool when I was a kid!

UPDATE - (Can this really be an "update" if I neglected to post the above when I actually wrote it - about eight months ago?)

The steps method has proven to be very useful and has become a solid method of showing the crime is not always worth the time.  For example, one of our rules is that the fridge in the garage is off-limits.  This is where we store any goodies such as cake, ice cream, and yummies that need to be controlled.  The payment for stealing something from that fridge was, typically, 25 steps.  One day, however, about a month ago, my son decided the cake in the fridge was worth the 25 steps.  He also decided he was going to confess right away.  Kudos to him for being honest.  The conversation went something like this:

Son - Dad, I took some cake from the fridge this morning.  Should I do my 25 steps now?

Me - No, but you can do your 50 steps, now.

Son - WHAT?  It is supposed to be 25 steps!!!

Me - No, it is what we decide it should be.

Son - BUT....BUT...

Me - The idea is to get you to stop stealing things.  Just because you thought that piece of cake was worth 25 steps does not make it okay to steal things.  Now you have 50 steps, which will, hopefully, make you understand the principle of the matter.

Son - whine...moan...fuss...grumble, grumble...


He hasn't stolen from the garage fridge since then. 





 Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!

Nutrition and Aspies

Kids are usually finicky to begin with when it comes to food.  If you have pizza, chips, cheese, peanut butter and jelly, a hot dog, a hamburger, macaroni and cheese, and maybe some spaghetti, you are most likely going to get the kid to eat.  Chances are I will eat, too, if that is all you had, but the problem is these items are not the best diet for growing folks (yes, I can still grow...unfortunately, it is my waistline that grows and not my height, anymore).  We all know kids need a healthy diet to grow to their fullest potential, but getting them to eat the good stuff is nothing short of a major undertaking.  If your kid is an Aspie, multiply that undertaking by a thousand. 

Then you have the 40-something adult who has never dieted in his life, would eat a pint (sometimes two) of Ben & Jerry's ice cream each evening for four nights in a row (What?  The grocery store had a BOGO sale!) on a regular basis, ordered and ate two Little Caesar's pizzas (back when they came side by side) plus garlic cheese bread for dinner, once had three steaks and five baked potatoes for dinner (much to the dismay of his sister and brother-in-law), would create pizza masterpieces when he worked for Domino's (mounds of cheese, bacon, hamburger, pineapple, ham, pepperoni, and whatever else I could pile on before heading home) to enjoy after the late shift, and stayed very clear of anything that closely resembles broccoli, cauliflower, mushrooms, and any other healthy food that grossed me out.  Yeah, I was far from a poster child for a health campaign.  Well, that's not true, I could have been the left side of the poster...you know, the "Before" side.  Don't get me wrong, I am still not on the "Right" side...but I am working on being less of the "Before" and more of the now.  In short, if I wanted it, I ate it...and didn't care.  But, I was also very active.  I played soccer, softball, football, rode my bike, and lifted many 12 to 16 oz glasses filled to the brim with chilled golden nectar.  Although, I did graduate to more of a brown nectar that comes from Boston as I matured...brewer...patriot...

Wow...ADD moment, sorry...let's get back on topic...

Now that I am no longer as active and my jeans do not fit like they did three years ago (I cannot figure out why that is...), I have decided to lose the gut, eat better, and run a half marathon in the fall.  Huh?  What was that?  Yeah, a half marathon.  HAHAHA...no, seriously.  Obviously, I cannot do this weighing in at fifty pounds overweight, and I am tired of my knee (the one I blew out playing soccer many, many moons ago) telling me everyday that I am overweight...not to mention it is pretty embarrassing to be out of breath after climbing a flight of stairs.  Yep...that's what I am going to do.

So, the first part of the journey was to buy an elliptical machine.  Remember, I have a bad knee, so I need something to help lose the weight with the least amount of impact...until I can get back to a decent weight...then it doesn't matter!  Woohoo!  Bring on the treacherous terrain!  Well, maybe we will do that after the half marathon...Anyway...elliptical machine...got it.

Second step - break up with Ben & Jerry and all of their friends.  Yeah...ummm...that one is a lot easier said than done.  I really miss those guys. :(  Excuse me for a moment while I wipe the tear forming in my eye...

Okay, I'm back...

Third step - cook healthful meals.

Fourth step - Wait, I thought I was getting back on topic...isn't this a blog about an Aspie kid?

Why, yes, it is, and now we are back on topic.

If I am being conscious about my diet or not, fixing meals my son will eat has always been a chore and a half.  Well, not always; there was a time when he would try just about anything.  For example, his favorite pizza topping USED to be spinach.  Unfortunately, those days are long gone.  One day he likes chicken, tomorrow he hates it.  He loves Grandma's breaded pork chops (as do I), but if I fix anything that has pork in it, forgetabboutit!  This is why I need to be creative...and maybe tell a white lie or two...okay, they are full fledged lies.

If pork is on the menu, it becomes...umm...chicken, yeah, that's it...it's chicken.  Pork BBQ is easy since the BBQ sauce masks the coloring.  Since he likes Sloppy Joe's and beef BBQ...you got it, that's what it is...sort of.  Cod?  That one was difficult and I did not succeed with fooling him.  But, man, was it good!  All that means is I have to be more creative with Cod in the future (and, by the way, I'm open for suggestions!).  The biggest problem is that he is very smart.  He can usually figure out the true ingredients.  Which tells me I need to step up my game a little.

Some of the techniques I have used in the past (other than lying) include; pureeing the questionable food item, disguising it as something else (see Pork BBQ above), sneaking it in when nobody is looking (TVP - Textured Vegetable Protein - more on that later), bribery, and the super fantastic idea of steps (I just realized I have neglected to write about this fantastic tactic!  I will devote a full page to this because it is so incredibly amazing...seriously!).  

In the effort to get him to make healthy choices, he and I devised a plan to track his eating habits for a week.  It was actually his idea, so I ran with it.  I explained how calories are what you want to watch, while keeping in mind that some calories are empty calories and serve no useful purpose while others are good calories.  I also went into carbs, sugars, protein, veggies, dairy and all of that other good stuff.

I am not a nutrition expert, but I've got enough knowledge to get him started.  I pulled up the "myplate" diagram from www.choosemyplate.gov and tried to explain the different segments and what balance means.  The best part about all of this is, he was/is actually interested...well, he was for a moment or two.  After logging in the first day's list, he promptly asked if he could have a piece of chocolate covered marshmallow (50 empty calories in one serving...which is about 1 inch by 1/2 inch in size).

So, since this is a work in progress, and I am guessing I am not the only one who has troubles fixing meals their kid will eat...let me rephrase that...fixing healthy, well-balanced meals that their kid will eat, I am going to try something.  My plan is to continue fixing the healthy meals and report back.  If the meal works, I'll explain the process with the ingredients.  If it doesn't, I'll refrain from the writing the entire recipe, but will still tell you where you can find it...if you so desire.  I hope that this will give other parents of Aspie kids (and non-Aspie kids, of course) a way to get their kids to eat healthy meals.  There is one catch, though...the meals must be tasty.  I love to eat, and I want to lose weight, but there is no way on earth that I will eat nasty tasting food, just to shed a few pounds!

 As always, I am open for suggestions and thank you for reading!




Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!

Even Santa is Outsourcing!

There is a good chance I will butcher this story since it is a recollection of a conversation that took place between my son and my wife about three years ago, but I think it is worth sharing, and I reserve the right to use creative license since this is my blog and I also reserve the right to use run-on sentences since, yes, this is my blog and no, it is not Mrs. Evans' English class.  But, I will try to make each paragraph at least two sentences long in honor of Mrs. Evans, just to prove that I did learn a thing or two while attending high school.

As I mentioned, the following conversation took place about three years ago.  It is entirely possible that the conversation took place on a sleepy afternoon (which makes the response by my wife even more impressive), on Christmas day.  Regardless of the actual date, the conversation was about Santa and where he lives.

Apparently, Santa is now outsourcing his duties.  Why wouldn't he?  Really, if you think about it, he of all people should be outsourcing!

As you may know, my son is rather bright.  His mind works in ways that few of us can comprehend, but the cool thing about that is, he asks some very important questions...some of which, we have no answers for.  My wife is also very bright (which makes me the dimmest bulb in the bunch, I suppose...hmmm, I guess I didn't think that one through very well!), and she is able to think quickly...most of the time.  Luckily, she thought very quickly and the result was the following conversation:

Son - Mom, Santa lives in the North Pole, right?

Mom - Yes, why?

Son - And Santa's elves make the toys he brings, right?

Mom - Yes, why?

Son - Then, why does this toy say "Made in China"?

Mom - (without hesitation and as deadpan as can be)  You know how many kids Santa has to deliver to, right? 

Son - Yeah...

Mom - Well, he has elves in every part of the world to help him on Christmas! 


All I can say is, I am really happy she got that question and not me since I would have looked like a deer...uhhh, sorry, but I really must to go here...a reindeer caught in headlights. So, remember this, if your kid ever asks about Santa's elves in China, you now have a legitimate response and also know that Santa has elves everywhere which means Santa has eyes everywhere, too...so he really does know if you have been naughty or nice!  Well, at least that is what we told our son...hehe.

Whatever special celebration you may have this time of year, I sincerely hope it is/was/will be the best yet but not as good as those to come. 







Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!

All I want for Christmas...

I like Ferrari. Some may say I am obsessed with Ferrari, but I think it is more like a healthy love than anything more serious than that. If I remember correctly, I started loving these exotic super-cars when I was about the age my son is now, so it should be no surprise to me that exotic matchbox cars were on his Christmas wish list this year. Sweet...Santa is going to have it easy this year!

My son, unfortunately, likes Lamborghini, but he also has a healthy love for Ferrari as well.  Methinks that is more because I love them and not so much because he likes them.  He has also mentioned that he plans to buy me one when he is old enough to drive. I have not had the heart to tell him that most likely will not happen, so instead I thank him and go off dreaming about buying one myself one day.

Speaking of buying one, let me go on record by saying that I will own one before I die. Okay, maybe it will not be the Enzo ($1,000,000 - give or take a few hundred thousand) or the one that started it all for me, a 288 GTO (Bargain priced at $300,000 - give or take a hundred thousand), but I will own one, even if it means buying a used 308 (think Magnum PI), for under 20 grand.  Yes, for that money it might...errr...will need some work, but as long as I can tag it, insure it, and drive it, I will be perfectly happy.

Ferrari Enzo

Ferrari 288 GTO

 But, sharing my dreams of Ferraris is not the reason for this post. No, it is more serious than that. This post is about the horrible state of affairs our world has entered.  I realized just how depressing our world has become today while I was Christmas shopping.  A tragedy indeed.  A world where even dreams have become a part of the "green movement" where the finely tuned music of a 600 horsepower engine is becoming a distant memory. A world where it is nearly impossible to find an exotic Matchbox or Hot Wheels car. A world where Matchbox and Hot Wheels are marketing cars like the Toyota Prius and the Honda Insight...really?  Is this really what our world has become?  It is a sad, sad day, indeed. 

When I was a kid, the main idea behind Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars was to be able to fantasize about owning cars that were cool and probably out of reach for the middle class citizen. Cars like Ferrari, Lamborghini, Porsche, and hot rods like Chevy, Pontiac, and Oldsmobile outnumbered the silly cars like the panel truck and police cars (although, some of the cop cars were pretty cool).  Today, I challenge you to try to find a Ferrari in the car section of your local Target or Toys R Us stores...ain't gonna be there...and that is a shame. 

A Prius???  Really???  Come on, now, are you kidding me?  Okay, granted, the Prius is a pretty significant car for today's world with its green soul and trendy status, but make a Hot Wheels/Matchbox car in its likeness?  And the Insight?  Gag me with a spoon!  Maybe, just maybe, I can see a Prelude or even the Accord, but the Insight?  wow...what were they thinking?  I can see it now, a little seven year old talking to his dad, "Dad, when I grow up, I want to own a Prius!"  huh? say what? Phbbttttt!!!

Really???

So, as I rifled through the assortment of miniature cars hanging on the extend metal rod from the peg board wall, I quickly realized that Santa may have a problem this year.  Foreign exotic Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars are apparently just as difficult to come by as the real thing.  Fortunately, I have quite a collection of Ferraris from back in the day, back when Matchbox and Hot Wheels were actually cool.  Unfortunately for my son, he isn't going to get any of those, but at least I can show him how cool these two companies were at one time. 

This is about 1/1000th of my collection

No, this post is not really relevant to anything remotely related to Asperger's, except for the fact that my son's mind is set on receiving these exotic cars and will be crushed like a grape in France during wine season - thanks Matchbox and Hot Wheels for that, by the way.  Instead, it is just a simple little rant about the ludicrousness of being politically correct in an area that is meant for fantasies and dreams.  Don't get me wrong, political correctness is a necessity is some aspects of life, and if I have offended you in any way, shape, or form, please accept my...um...sincere apologies and know that I will promise to alter my personality for your benefit in the near future...but only after Matchbox and Hot Wheels start making cool cars again!  








Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!

Great...what did he do now?

When we lived in Oklahoma, we tried to send our son to public school.  Our reasoning was that he needed socialization skills and after many years of Montessori school we were looking forward to not having a tuition bill every month.  The public school he would attend had a good reputation and everyone we talked to spoke very highly of the entire experience.  So, needless to say, we were excited when second grade rolled around.

The excitement didn't last long.  When my son acted up, we got a call from the school.  From early on, I was receiving at least one call per week.  Toward the end of the semester, I was receiving daily calls.  The calls were from the teacher, the assistant, or the principal (or on a particularly bad day, all three) calling to let me know I had to either pick up my son from school early, or that we needed to have a meeting, or for some other reason that was behavioral related.   Whenever the phone rang and the caller id said that it was the school calling, my automatic thought was, "Great...what did he do know?"  Unfortunately, he was not being challenged enough, and as the saying goes, idle hands are the devil's playground. 

By the end of the first semester, he was removed from the school.  Honestly, I cannot remember if it was our choice or if the school politely and firmly "suggested" that we try a different system, but either way, in January, he was attending a different school...and the tuition payments resumed.

Our outlook was bleak, but some pretty heavy duty cosmic/karmic signs made us realize that the school we were looking at was the one for our son.  For example, when my wife and I were checking out the campus, the second grade had only one spot open.  That spot was in Mrs. "P.'s" class.  When we entered the classroom, I noticed a map of Africa on the wall.  The only part of the map that was written on was the area of Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire.  I asked the Admissions person about the...umm...writing on the wall; she was not sure of the reasoning, but she thought Mrs. P. may have taught in a school in Abidjan.  I met my wife in Abidjan when we were not even teenagers yet.  Both of our parents were stationed in Abidjan, and as most American kids of US Diplomats, we attended the same American school.  The school we went to (in 1982), had a teacher there (in the lower grades) named...are you ready for this?...wait for it...Mrs. P.  At first we figured it was just a coincidence, but after looking through our yearbook (yes, from 1982), we found two Mrs. P.'s that could possibly be a match.  So, when we set up the parent-teacher meeting, we brought the yearbook.

Now, don't forget, at this time we are in Oklahoma...as in "Okla-out in the middle of nowhere-homa."  The middle of the United States...the closest major city is three hours away.  You can drive for hundreds of miles and still not get anywhere...Don't get me wrong, I loved it there, but to meet someone who lived in Maryland was a very rare occurrence...now, we are talking about a completely different continent!  Anyway, we asked which Mrs. P she was, and the memories suddenly flowed out as she thumbed through the black and white photos of kids photocopied onto white pages and glued into something slightly resembling a book.  Yes, Mrs. P taught at the very school that my wife and I attended, and during the same years we were there, when we were 11 and 12 years old...in West Africa.  (And, it turns out her son and husband played softball on the same weekend leagues that my dad and I were playing on at that time....)

So, when a sign this big is in front of you, you read it and you pay attention.  The following two years at this school were awesome.  Our son never had any major issues, his abilities were challenged, he grew mentally, and he was successful.  I did receive a call or two regarding his behavior, and I still responded with the thought of, "Great, what did he do now?" but those calls were few and far in between.  This school was perfect for him and life was good.

Then, we took a few giant steps backward...

When we moved to North Carolina, we looked at a few private schools, and found that most were not accepting new students.  Our third choice was a Montessori style school.  We figured our son would be comfortable with the setting since that was how he spent his first few educational years.  We failed to recognize the signs this time...

When the school takes two months to decide if they are going to admit your child, don't do it.  That big flashing neon sign that is essentially saying "WE DON'T WANT TO ACCEPT YOUR CHILD!!!" is a sign that you need to pay attention to.  We didn't.  Sitting in the carpool line, waiting to pick up my son and seeing the teacher walk toward my car...getting a call from the teacher or principal saying I need to pick up my son early...wondering if I am going to get a random call...no, that is not my idea of a good time.  As soon as the teacher took one step toward my car..."Great, what did he do now?"  Three months after admission, we were looking for a new school after being asked to leave.

The next school was nice.  It had a great campus, a good feel to it, and seemed like a great match...at first.  Three weeks later (but no phone calls or walking up to the car), our son was dismissed, again.  Great, what did he do now?  But, the only answer we received was that he had two incidents of disruptive behavior.  Hmm, why didn't we get a call about those?

So, with less than two months remaining in the school year, I took over and tried to teach him what I could.  Trust me, neither of us (me or my son), found this to be the optimum choice!  But, at least he didn't get dismissed from this school, and at least I didn't walk up to my car to tell myself what he did this time...

We started looking for other schools as soon as possible.  Two of our choices were already full, so they put us on a waiting list.  Obviously, we did not have time to wait.  We found a local private school that is specifically for kids with Asperger's.  Homerun, right?  Nope.  However, the admissions director was a huge help and a source of hope for us.  I do not recall the last time I had so much hope after being rejected!  She, the admissions director, suggested that we work on the emotional side of our son before attending the Aspie school.  We had two possibilities left...take a chance on one other local private school that caters to kids with special needs and tailors the curriculum to the individual student...(but this came with a very high tuition cost and no financial aid) or, our other option was to send him to a camp that cost just as much but had a loan program, and it would mean he would be away from us for six to eight weeks at a minimum.  Neither option was ideal, to say the least.

However, what we think is not ideal is sometimes the best option regardless of what possibilities there are or are not...

We opted for the local school.  We had to dissolve a retirement account to fund the tuition, but we knew something like this would have to be done.  We also knew that our son was not a problem child and the outbursts were simply his way of releasing his loneliness and frustrations related the the move to NC.  We saw the drastic change before, but it went from being bored and being a troublemaker to being a straight A student and being excited to attend class.  The change from public school to private school in Oklahoma happened almost overnight.  The right teacher and setting made the biggest difference in the world.  Holding on to hope with barely enough grip to keep it alive, we hoped the change would happen again with the new private school in NC.

Around the second week of school, I was waiting in the carpool line to pick up my son.  The teacher, "Ms. H", started walking toward the car with her hand on my son's shoulder.  "Great, what did he do this time?" I couldn't help it, it was something that became a bad habit and something I wished hadn't become a part of his schooling experience.  I rolled down the window, afraid of what she was going to say.  She wanted to tell me how well my son was doing in school and how well he was adapting.  Huh?  Come again...Did she just come to the car to tell me he was doing well?  Through the puddling tears welling up in my eyes, I think I must have looked like she shot me with a stun gun because that is how I felt.  She came out to the car to tell me good news!  And the best part, it has happened a few more times since then.


Although it hurts every time I write the check, the tuition payment is a pill that is a heck of a lot easier to swallow knowing that my son is receiving the education that is needed for him.  The relief of not having the school think my son is a problem child and that they see his potential and are able to teach accordingly is well worth the money. Once again, almost overnight, my son is excelling in school because we were fortunate enough to find the right school for where he is in his life at the moment.  We recognize, too, that we are lucky to be able to find a way to make private education an option.  BUT -- you don't have to be rich to make this happen.  Scholarships, financial aid...and even some divine intervention.  The right things come along when they are needed.

If you are reading this and are in the Charlotte, NC area, and want more information, please send me an e-mail and I will be happy to share what information I have.  If you have a child who is being labeled as a problem, or may have issues with school, I encourage you to dig a little deeper to see if there is a school near you that will be a better fit.  The difference is truly amazing and cannot be expressed in words.






Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!