This morning I was reading an article on a popular news website. The article was about healthy eating and how some of the foods we believe to be bad for us are actually quite nutritious. The article detailed many misconceptions about certain foods such as; dark chocolate, wine, ice cream, and a handful of others that I cannot remember at this time. Needless to say, I was thrilled to see ice cream was on the list!
After reading the article, my family and I decided to head out to the local greasy spoon for breakfast. Once in a while we like to splurge and give our bodies a "wake-up" brunch that consists of fatty, greasy, high-cholesterol, artery clogging food. Today was that day...and boy, was it good!
During our brunch, I was telling my son about the good news - since he is too young to drink wine, I omitted that part, but proceeded to tell him about the dark chocolates and ice cream. I explained to him the benefits of ice cream and suggested he pick out a few flavors for dinner next week. As his eyes widened, he enthusiastically started naming off a plethora of Ben & Jerry's flavors. "I want Phish Food and Triple Carmel Chunk and vanilla, no, no vanilla, but yes to chocolate, and Phish Food, and there are so many I can't remember them all!" he said in one breath. "No, really, Dad? Are you serious?" he questioned. I replied, "Yes, the article said how healthy ice cream is for us, so I thought we could just make our dinners this week be nothing but ice cream. So, what other flavors do you want?" At about the middle of that last question, I suddenly felt my wife's hand hit my leg under the table.
"I want Phish Food, and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and Chocolate Fudge Brownie, and Phish Food, and maybe vanilla. I don't know if I want vanilla or not, but I want Phish Food!" he repeated. Cool as a cat I just looked at him, nodded my head and said, "Okay, I'll get those. Maybe we will have the Phish Food on Friday."
"Really? Are we really going to have ice cream for dinner every night this week?" he asked with a hopeful but perplexed look.
I said, "Sure, but first you have to tell me what today is."
"Sunday." he responded with an even more perplexed look on his face, wondering what the day had to do with anything.
"Sunday, the what?" I asked.
"Ummm, Sunday the 1st of April...oh man!" he replied.
Yeah, I got him.
Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!)
First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Update on the Token Economy
Once again, it seems I wrote an entry a few months ago and neglected to post it. I'm blaming it on the ADD again (See? ADD can be useful in so many ways!). So, without further ado, here it is...
A little over a month has passed and our token economy (TE) is in full swing. I thought it would be a good idea to give an update for any of you interested in wondering how it is working. In a nutshell...better than expected, but also in need of some fine tuning.
When my wife and I started the TE, we went out of our way to give tokens for every possible good deed that our son performed. We were diligent, excited, and probably a little over-the-top about what we deemed token worthy. The idea was to get our son to realize how easy it was to earn a positive mark when positive actions are made with hopes that he would continue the positive behavior on his own. I am happy to report that it has worked...well, it has, at least, improved his morale and everyday behavior. Like any of us, he has his good days and bad, but overall, the TE has worked.
My son has asked, on a few occasions, how he could earn more tokens. My answer to that question was a simple, there is no way you can earn tokens other than by performing good deeds, doing the right thing because it is the right thing, or from well-intended actions that are from your heart. Performing tasks to get tokens will not earn tokens. In other words, you earn the tokens, you do not get them.
He did not understand this concept at first, but eventually grasped the idea. When he did something token worthy, we would give him a token and say something along the lines of, "You did a good job of putting your socks away without being asked, here's a token!" If he asked for a token after he put his socks away, he wouldn't get one. He learned quickly, and now does not ask for tokens. The idea is to reward good behavior because of his good choice, not because he made a choice to earn a token. Little by little, he began to understand - bad choices get bad consequences (steps) and good choices get good consequences.
I have seen some variations of the token economy where the parent will make a list of token chores, or they have explained what tasks will be token worthy, but we decided to separate the two and concentrate on allowing our son to think for himself and make positive, ethical, decisions. The chores are still a necessity, but they do not earn tokens; chores are done because that is what families do - work together. We also have jobs that he can do that are neither token paid nor are they chores; he gets real money for those...when he does them...or rather, if he ever does them (that is another blog-worthy story for a later date). So, tokens are earned for taking out the trash when it becomes full without being asked, or putting away the clean dishes from the dishwasher without being asked, or being polite despite being in a crabby mood, and so on. Tokens are earned with his positive thoughts and actions.
As I mentioned above, the first few weeks we showered him with tokens. When he reached his first milestone - changing 25 tokens for a star - we made a big celebration for it and praised his ability to reach his goals. He was excited, of course, and was ready to spend his first star. I am going to blame my ADD and because I have slept since then, but I do not remember what his first "purchase" was. Oh...my wife just informed me that his fist "purchase" with his stars was a model that he and I can work on together. Hmmm, now I feel like a bad parent for not remembering THAT one! In any case, he was very excited to make a run to the local hobby store and pick out a model. The token economy came full circle.
UPDATE: So, as I mentioned in the first paragraph, I wrote the above (well, most of it, anyway) months and months ago but forgot to publish it. Since then, the token economy still works and is alive and well. Our son does not receive as many tokens now as he did when we first started the system, but not because of his poor choices; on the contrary, actually. His smaller good choices are now a part of everyday life...most of the time - he still has moments, like all of us do, but all-in-all, he is making good choices on a regular basis. As a result, we are trying to get him to think about constant self-improvement, so token worthy choices have now become things like, looking at people when he talks to them, or better yet, looking at all of the people involved in the conversation instead of focusing on just one (not an easy feat for an Aspie); or maybe a token worthy action might be to have a fuss-free weekend instead of a fuss-free afternoon. He has graduated from getting a token for picking up his socks without being asked to earning a token for putting away his socks, coat, shoes, and dirty clothes - without being asked, and he earns five tokens for receiving a 100% on his science test (actually, he even did the extra credit and ended up with 110%!) instead of a token for turning in his homework on time. Something that has not changed, however, is how he earns tokens - we decide based on his choices not because he did something just to get a token.
In summary (I've always wanted to say that outside of a school paper...), the system works. Follow the directions, stick to it, modify it how ever you want, but try it, you'll like it (especially if your kid's name is Mikey - sorry, had to do it). If you stick to the overall concept and stay on it early on, I think you will be amazed at the outcome. Although this practice works great for Asperger's kids, I imagine with a little modification it would work equally as well for any kid...and maybe some adults, too! (Actually, my wife is giving two hours off to her staff next week IF they all meet a specific deadline...token economy in action in the workplace!)
Let me know how it is working for you...assuming you are trying it, of course!
As always, thanks for reading!
Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!
A little over a month has passed and our token economy (TE) is in full swing. I thought it would be a good idea to give an update for any of you interested in wondering how it is working. In a nutshell...better than expected, but also in need of some fine tuning.
When my wife and I started the TE, we went out of our way to give tokens for every possible good deed that our son performed. We were diligent, excited, and probably a little over-the-top about what we deemed token worthy. The idea was to get our son to realize how easy it was to earn a positive mark when positive actions are made with hopes that he would continue the positive behavior on his own. I am happy to report that it has worked...well, it has, at least, improved his morale and everyday behavior. Like any of us, he has his good days and bad, but overall, the TE has worked.
My son has asked, on a few occasions, how he could earn more tokens. My answer to that question was a simple, there is no way you can earn tokens other than by performing good deeds, doing the right thing because it is the right thing, or from well-intended actions that are from your heart. Performing tasks to get tokens will not earn tokens. In other words, you earn the tokens, you do not get them.
He did not understand this concept at first, but eventually grasped the idea. When he did something token worthy, we would give him a token and say something along the lines of, "You did a good job of putting your socks away without being asked, here's a token!" If he asked for a token after he put his socks away, he wouldn't get one. He learned quickly, and now does not ask for tokens. The idea is to reward good behavior because of his good choice, not because he made a choice to earn a token. Little by little, he began to understand - bad choices get bad consequences (steps) and good choices get good consequences.
I have seen some variations of the token economy where the parent will make a list of token chores, or they have explained what tasks will be token worthy, but we decided to separate the two and concentrate on allowing our son to think for himself and make positive, ethical, decisions. The chores are still a necessity, but they do not earn tokens; chores are done because that is what families do - work together. We also have jobs that he can do that are neither token paid nor are they chores; he gets real money for those...when he does them...or rather, if he ever does them (that is another blog-worthy story for a later date). So, tokens are earned for taking out the trash when it becomes full without being asked, or putting away the clean dishes from the dishwasher without being asked, or being polite despite being in a crabby mood, and so on. Tokens are earned with his positive thoughts and actions.
As I mentioned above, the first few weeks we showered him with tokens. When he reached his first milestone - changing 25 tokens for a star - we made a big celebration for it and praised his ability to reach his goals. He was excited, of course, and was ready to spend his first star. I am going to blame my ADD and because I have slept since then, but I do not remember what his first "purchase" was. Oh...my wife just informed me that his fist "purchase" with his stars was a model that he and I can work on together. Hmmm, now I feel like a bad parent for not remembering THAT one! In any case, he was very excited to make a run to the local hobby store and pick out a model. The token economy came full circle.
UPDATE: So, as I mentioned in the first paragraph, I wrote the above (well, most of it, anyway) months and months ago but forgot to publish it. Since then, the token economy still works and is alive and well. Our son does not receive as many tokens now as he did when we first started the system, but not because of his poor choices; on the contrary, actually. His smaller good choices are now a part of everyday life...most of the time - he still has moments, like all of us do, but all-in-all, he is making good choices on a regular basis. As a result, we are trying to get him to think about constant self-improvement, so token worthy choices have now become things like, looking at people when he talks to them, or better yet, looking at all of the people involved in the conversation instead of focusing on just one (not an easy feat for an Aspie); or maybe a token worthy action might be to have a fuss-free weekend instead of a fuss-free afternoon. He has graduated from getting a token for picking up his socks without being asked to earning a token for putting away his socks, coat, shoes, and dirty clothes - without being asked, and he earns five tokens for receiving a 100% on his science test (actually, he even did the extra credit and ended up with 110%!) instead of a token for turning in his homework on time. Something that has not changed, however, is how he earns tokens - we decide based on his choices not because he did something just to get a token.
In summary (I've always wanted to say that outside of a school paper...), the system works. Follow the directions, stick to it, modify it how ever you want, but try it, you'll like it (especially if your kid's name is Mikey - sorry, had to do it). If you stick to the overall concept and stay on it early on, I think you will be amazed at the outcome. Although this practice works great for Asperger's kids, I imagine with a little modification it would work equally as well for any kid...and maybe some adults, too! (Actually, my wife is giving two hours off to her staff next week IF they all meet a specific deadline...token economy in action in the workplace!)
Let me know how it is working for you...assuming you are trying it, of course!
As always, thanks for reading!
Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Crumb Coated Cod
My son tends to fixate on things. From what I understand, this is a common trait for Aspies. Since this is going to be a dinner topic entry, I will use a food related example. A typical conversation may go something like this:
Son - Dad, what's for dinner?
Me - Hamburgers.
Son - What's in the hamburger?
Me - Meat. (me being a smart-ass)
Son - What else are you putting in the meat?
Me - Spices.
Son - What spices?
Me - Garlic powder, pepper, and salt.
Son - What type of pepper are you putting in?
Me - Black pepper.
Son - I don't like black pepper.
Me - You liked it just fine the past five meals we had.
Son - But I don't like black pepper today. Now I'm going to have steps because I won't eat my dinner. Do you have to fix hamburgers? (This is where the pouting and frustration begins)
Me - Go play a game or watch TV and don't worry about what is in the meal.
Five minutes later...
Son - Dad, can you use something other than black pepper?
Me - No.
Son - (frustration levels rising again...anger brewing)
Four minutes later...
Son - Dad, what if you put oregano in the meat instead of black pepper?
Me - Wouldn't work the same.
Son - But I don't like black pepper.
Me - (My frustration levels start to churn) Just watch your TV.
Three minutes later...
Son - Dad...
And so the story goes. It does not matter what ingredients I use, what meal I prepare, or where we go, he finds something that he does not like and fixates on that one particular item. The obsession is not always negative. He also does this with Legos, Star Wars, WWII, and any thing he takes an interest in - good or bad. We try to "bump" him off the topic, but it does not always work. So, I devised a devious plan...muhahaha...
Each week, I make a menu of dinner plans for the upcoming week and post in on the fridge door in plain sight. I do not do this so that everyone can see what we are having; no, I do this because I will not remember what I have planned and will never cook the ingredients that I just purchased from the grocery store. The side affect to this is, everyone can see what we are having...including my son.
This past week, I wanted to prepare a cod recipe. From a previous experience, I realized I could not write "Cod" on Friday's date, so I nicknamed it; "3C w/Orzo AR 1" was all I wrote. Fortunately, my ADD brain was able to remember that "AR 1" meant the Allrecipes website print out. Once my son saw the planner, he zeroed in on Friday's meal.
Son - What's for dinner on Friday, Dad?
Me - You will find out. Don't worry about it. I really think you will like it so do not fixate on it. This is going to be one of those meals that you get a check mark for trying (a new idea from the nutritionist - try a new meal without fussing, get a check mark. Get 14 check marks, get a prize...so far we are up to two check marks and it has only been a week and a half!)
Just hang out in the living room, no peeking, and no fixating. It is breaded, so I know you will like it. I am not going to tell you what is in the dinner, so don't ask. You need to try it before I tell you what it is. (Yeah, I didn't think it would work either)
Son - Okay.
Me - (Thinking - wow, that was easier than I expected!)
So, on with the recipe...
Crumb Coated Cod - aka 3C w/orzo AR 1
Ingredients -
Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!
Son - Dad, what's for dinner?
Me - Hamburgers.
Son - What's in the hamburger?
Me - Meat. (me being a smart-ass)
Son - What else are you putting in the meat?
Me - Spices.
Son - What spices?
Me - Garlic powder, pepper, and salt.
Son - What type of pepper are you putting in?
Me - Black pepper.
Son - I don't like black pepper.
Me - You liked it just fine the past five meals we had.
Son - But I don't like black pepper today. Now I'm going to have steps because I won't eat my dinner. Do you have to fix hamburgers? (This is where the pouting and frustration begins)
Me - Go play a game or watch TV and don't worry about what is in the meal.
Five minutes later...
Son - Dad, can you use something other than black pepper?
Me - No.
Son - (frustration levels rising again...anger brewing)
Four minutes later...
Son - Dad, what if you put oregano in the meat instead of black pepper?
Me - Wouldn't work the same.
Son - But I don't like black pepper.
Me - (My frustration levels start to churn) Just watch your TV.
Three minutes later...
Son - Dad...
And so the story goes. It does not matter what ingredients I use, what meal I prepare, or where we go, he finds something that he does not like and fixates on that one particular item. The obsession is not always negative. He also does this with Legos, Star Wars, WWII, and any thing he takes an interest in - good or bad. We try to "bump" him off the topic, but it does not always work. So, I devised a devious plan...muhahaha...
Each week, I make a menu of dinner plans for the upcoming week and post in on the fridge door in plain sight. I do not do this so that everyone can see what we are having; no, I do this because I will not remember what I have planned and will never cook the ingredients that I just purchased from the grocery store. The side affect to this is, everyone can see what we are having...including my son.
This past week, I wanted to prepare a cod recipe. From a previous experience, I realized I could not write "Cod" on Friday's date, so I nicknamed it; "3C w/Orzo AR 1" was all I wrote. Fortunately, my ADD brain was able to remember that "AR 1" meant the Allrecipes website print out. Once my son saw the planner, he zeroed in on Friday's meal.
Son - What's for dinner on Friday, Dad?
Me - You will find out. Don't worry about it. I really think you will like it so do not fixate on it. This is going to be one of those meals that you get a check mark for trying (a new idea from the nutritionist - try a new meal without fussing, get a check mark. Get 14 check marks, get a prize...so far we are up to two check marks and it has only been a week and a half!)
Just hang out in the living room, no peeking, and no fixating. It is breaded, so I know you will like it. I am not going to tell you what is in the dinner, so don't ask. You need to try it before I tell you what it is. (Yeah, I didn't think it would work either)
Son - Okay.
Me - (Thinking - wow, that was easier than I expected!)
So, on with the recipe...
Crumb Coated Cod - aka 3C w/orzo AR 1
Ingredients -
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 tablespoons water
1 envelope Italian salad dressing mix
2 cups crushed stuffing mix
4 (6 ounce) fillets cod (I used Kirkland/Costco frozen brand. I think there are 5 or 6 fillets in a bag)
Directions - (It doesn't get much easier than this)
In a shallow bowl, combine the oil, water and salad dressing mix. Place
the stuffing mix in another bowl. Dip fillets in salad dressing mixture,
then in stuffing. Place on a greased baking sheet. Bake at 425 degrees F
for 15-20 minutes or until fish flakes easily with a fork.
That's it.
I used olive oil instead of veggie oil, and seasoned bread crumbs instead of stuffing, mostly because we already had those ingredients and I didn't want to spend the money on similar ingredients. I did double the dressing mix, oil and water mixture, but I wish I hadn't. I ended up having about 3/4 more than I needed, so I poured the remaining mixture in with the fillets before placing them in the oven. This also took care of the "greased pan" item.
I was not able to find the nutritional information, but the bread crumbs did not make a very heavy coat, and the rest of the ingredients are pretty good for you...except, maybe, the dry salad dressing mix. Other than that, I would guess that this was a pretty healthy meal. I added whole wheat orzo, can corn with dill, and baked beans (what? the can had been sitting in the pantry long enough and I wanted them!). So, I covered the grains, protein, and veggies. Well, at least I think I did. Hey, it was colorful, at least.
The verdict
It is very important to remember that my wife and I do not really like fish. We will eat it, but we are not crazy about it. As a matter of fact, the ONLY reason we are eating it is because of that stupid health kick/marathon thing I am doing.
My wife: She gave it a 5 out of 5 stars. This is actually a very rare occurrence for her. Most of the meals I fix get a 4 from her, some get a 3 or less, but few get a 5. No, I am not that bad of a cook...she and I are just very picky. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Me: I gave it a 4.5 out of 5. I thought it was very good, but I liked a different recipe for cod that we tried a month or so ago better. I think the beans may have factored into the final score as well. Alone, the beans would have received a 5 out of 5, but not so much with cod. Lesson learned.
My son....drum roll, please...3.5 out of 5. He really enjoyed it, until he found out it was cod. Then he changed his score to the 3.5. Which, if you think about it, is still pretty good. Granted, he did not eat a lot, but he had what would amount to two or three bites for an adult. This may not seem like much, but after what we have been through in the past few months, this is a huge step forward.
Overall - YUM! It will be fixed again. I think it will still need to be called 3C, though...at least one more time!
Here's the link, if you are interested...Crumb-Coated-Cod
Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Am I a bad parent because it makes me laugh?
(Alternate title: Thank God my parents did not think of this one...)
Although I cannot take credit for thinking up the following consequence of poor behavior, I can say that it is extremely effective and sometimes makes me chuckle...ok, maybe it makes me laugh so much that tears run down my cheek...does that make me a bad parent? I can justify my behavior by the success of the "time" for the "crime," though, which would make me a good parent....right? Don't answer that, I'll just keep believing its true.
First, let me describe the consequence; in a word, "stairs" aka, "steps." Never before has one simple word brought a temper tantrum to such an abrupt halt for a ten year old boy. Usually, just the mention of "stairs" is enough to stop his misdemeanors cold, but if he carries on, he must go up and down the staircase for the amount determined by the boss (Mom and/or Dad). The total amount of stairs is based on his actions that led to the mentioning of the terrible word, by said boss. In other words, if he really messes up, he gets lots of stairs, which he hates...of course.
One "dose" of the stairs equals a trip up and down the staircase. He must put both feet on the floor at the top of the steps, and at the bottom, before one stair can be counted. These rules are not to be broken and must be enforced. In addition (this one was my genius at work), he must not touch the walls of the staircase at any time, or he will have to do the whole stair over - this has since eliminated any and all fingerprints about four feet above the floor in the staircase! (He is, however, allowed to use the bannister since his mother recently fell down those stairs, broke her ankle and now has a huge phobia about it...)
We do not use the stairs every time, and we do not abuse them either. The stairs can be done all at once, or little by little, but the catch is that he is on complete and total restriction until all stairs are complete. If he chooses to wait a day, that is fine, but he gets absolutely no privileges until he pays his dues. In the event that we choose not to sentence him to stairs, he gets to alphabetize the bookcase or the CD case (I own over 800 CDs and my wife has close to that many books), sometimes by author's last name, sometimes by author's third letter of last name, or sometimes by title. Dirty words coming out of his mouth? He gets to clean the trash can...and it needs to be spotless. In a nutshell, you don't need stairs to apply the method! Whatever it is, the time fits the crime.
When he is in the process of completing the stairs, he is usually moaning and groaning about the mean person who thought up the consequence of stairs and how they must love to torture kids (I think that person is a genius). This alone is enough to bring a smile to my face, but not because I am sadistic; rather, I smile because I know he is thinking about his actions that led to the stairs. I try to make him realize there is a reaction to every action and that he needs to be aware of his part in that reaction, hoping to teach him accountability, a trait that we do not see often in today's society. I can almost see his mind gears turning round and round, making sense of the whole situation...which is a huge relief to a parent whose kid is smarter than he is.
When he has completed the steps, he must (on his own) apologize, name the reason for the apology, and ask for forgiveness.
Ironically, in a sense, we are breaking him down, just to rebuild him back up again. This time we can make him better, stronger, faster...but we are not going to call him Steve Austin. (Yes, you have to be of a certain age of generation to get that reference!) The point is not to make him complete unjustified physical work, but to make him think twice before he acts the next time. The stairs provides a good source of exercise (so that candy he just took without asking is now exercised off) and a tangible consequence.
Tonight, he earned 30 stairs and alphabetizing two shelves of books. I'm sure it won't be the last time he does a round of stairs, but at least it has made him think a little bit before he breaks a rule, which means he is learning. Now, he is determining if the crime is worth the time, before he tries to get away with something. Which is exactly why I'm so thankful to have found this parenting tool...I was running out of ideas! And yes, I am VERY happy my parents did not have this tool when I was a kid!
UPDATE - (Can this really be an "update" if I neglected to post the above when I actually wrote it - about eight months ago?)
The steps method has proven to be very useful and has become a solid method of showing the crime is not always worth the time. For example, one of our rules is that the fridge in the garage is off-limits. This is where we store any goodies such as cake, ice cream, and yummies that need to be controlled. The payment for stealing something from that fridge was, typically, 25 steps. One day, however, about a month ago, my son decided the cake in the fridge was worth the 25 steps. He also decided he was going to confess right away. Kudos to him for being honest. The conversation went something like this:
Son - Dad, I took some cake from the fridge this morning. Should I do my 25 steps now?
Me - No, but you can do your 50 steps, now.
Son - WHAT? It is supposed to be 25 steps!!!
Me - No, it is what we decide it should be.
Son - BUT....BUT...
Me - The idea is to get you to stop stealing things. Just because you thought that piece of cake was worth 25 steps does not make it okay to steal things. Now you have 50 steps, which will, hopefully, make you understand the principle of the matter.
Son - whine...moan...fuss...grumble, grumble...
He hasn't stolen from the garage fridge since then.
Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!
Although I cannot take credit for thinking up the following consequence of poor behavior, I can say that it is extremely effective and sometimes makes me chuckle...ok, maybe it makes me laugh so much that tears run down my cheek...does that make me a bad parent? I can justify my behavior by the success of the "time" for the "crime," though, which would make me a good parent....right? Don't answer that, I'll just keep believing its true.
First, let me describe the consequence; in a word, "stairs" aka, "steps." Never before has one simple word brought a temper tantrum to such an abrupt halt for a ten year old boy. Usually, just the mention of "stairs" is enough to stop his misdemeanors cold, but if he carries on, he must go up and down the staircase for the amount determined by the boss (Mom and/or Dad). The total amount of stairs is based on his actions that led to the mentioning of the terrible word, by said boss. In other words, if he really messes up, he gets lots of stairs, which he hates...of course.
One "dose" of the stairs equals a trip up and down the staircase. He must put both feet on the floor at the top of the steps, and at the bottom, before one stair can be counted. These rules are not to be broken and must be enforced. In addition (this one was my genius at work), he must not touch the walls of the staircase at any time, or he will have to do the whole stair over - this has since eliminated any and all fingerprints about four feet above the floor in the staircase! (He is, however, allowed to use the bannister since his mother recently fell down those stairs, broke her ankle and now has a huge phobia about it...)
We do not use the stairs every time, and we do not abuse them either. The stairs can be done all at once, or little by little, but the catch is that he is on complete and total restriction until all stairs are complete. If he chooses to wait a day, that is fine, but he gets absolutely no privileges until he pays his dues. In the event that we choose not to sentence him to stairs, he gets to alphabetize the bookcase or the CD case (I own over 800 CDs and my wife has close to that many books), sometimes by author's last name, sometimes by author's third letter of last name, or sometimes by title. Dirty words coming out of his mouth? He gets to clean the trash can...and it needs to be spotless. In a nutshell, you don't need stairs to apply the method! Whatever it is, the time fits the crime.
When he is in the process of completing the stairs, he is usually moaning and groaning about the mean person who thought up the consequence of stairs and how they must love to torture kids (I think that person is a genius). This alone is enough to bring a smile to my face, but not because I am sadistic; rather, I smile because I know he is thinking about his actions that led to the stairs. I try to make him realize there is a reaction to every action and that he needs to be aware of his part in that reaction, hoping to teach him accountability, a trait that we do not see often in today's society. I can almost see his mind gears turning round and round, making sense of the whole situation...which is a huge relief to a parent whose kid is smarter than he is.
When he has completed the steps, he must (on his own) apologize, name the reason for the apology, and ask for forgiveness.
Ironically, in a sense, we are breaking him down, just to rebuild him back up again. This time we can make him better, stronger, faster...but we are not going to call him Steve Austin. (Yes, you have to be of a certain age of generation to get that reference!) The point is not to make him complete unjustified physical work, but to make him think twice before he acts the next time. The stairs provides a good source of exercise (so that candy he just took without asking is now exercised off) and a tangible consequence.
Tonight, he earned 30 stairs and alphabetizing two shelves of books. I'm sure it won't be the last time he does a round of stairs, but at least it has made him think a little bit before he breaks a rule, which means he is learning. Now, he is determining if the crime is worth the time, before he tries to get away with something. Which is exactly why I'm so thankful to have found this parenting tool...I was running out of ideas! And yes, I am VERY happy my parents did not have this tool when I was a kid!
UPDATE - (Can this really be an "update" if I neglected to post the above when I actually wrote it - about eight months ago?)
The steps method has proven to be very useful and has become a solid method of showing the crime is not always worth the time. For example, one of our rules is that the fridge in the garage is off-limits. This is where we store any goodies such as cake, ice cream, and yummies that need to be controlled. The payment for stealing something from that fridge was, typically, 25 steps. One day, however, about a month ago, my son decided the cake in the fridge was worth the 25 steps. He also decided he was going to confess right away. Kudos to him for being honest. The conversation went something like this:
Son - Dad, I took some cake from the fridge this morning. Should I do my 25 steps now?
Me - No, but you can do your 50 steps, now.
Son - WHAT? It is supposed to be 25 steps!!!
Me - No, it is what we decide it should be.
Son - BUT....BUT...
Me - The idea is to get you to stop stealing things. Just because you thought that piece of cake was worth 25 steps does not make it okay to steal things. Now you have 50 steps, which will, hopefully, make you understand the principle of the matter.
Son - whine...moan...fuss...grumble, grumble...
He hasn't stolen from the garage fridge since then.
Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Nutrition and Aspies
Kids are usually finicky to begin with when it comes to food. If you have pizza, chips, cheese, peanut butter and jelly, a hot dog, a hamburger, macaroni and cheese, and maybe some spaghetti, you are most likely going to get the kid to eat. Chances are I will eat, too, if that is all you had, but the problem is these items are not the best diet for growing folks (yes, I can still grow...unfortunately, it is my waistline that grows and not my height, anymore). We all know kids need a healthy diet to grow to their fullest potential, but getting them to eat the good stuff is nothing short of a major undertaking. If your kid is an Aspie, multiply that undertaking by a thousand.
Then you have the 40-something adult who has never dieted in his life, would eat a pint (sometimes two) of Ben & Jerry's ice cream each evening for four nights in a row (What? The grocery store had a BOGO sale!) on a regular basis, ordered and ate two Little Caesar's pizzas (back when they came side by side) plus garlic cheese bread for dinner, once had three steaks and five baked potatoes for dinner (much to the dismay of his sister and brother-in-law), would create pizza masterpieces when he worked for Domino's (mounds of cheese, bacon, hamburger, pineapple, ham, pepperoni, and whatever else I could pile on before heading home) to enjoy after the late shift, and stayed very clear of anything that closely resembles broccoli, cauliflower, mushrooms, and any other healthy food that grossed me out. Yeah, I was far from a poster child for a health campaign. Well, that's not true, I could have been the left side of the poster...you know, the "Before" side. Don't get me wrong, I am still not on the "Right" side...but I am working on being less of the "Before" and more of the now. In short, if I wanted it, I ate it...and didn't care. But, I was also very active. I played soccer, softball, football, rode my bike, and lifted many 12 to 16 oz glasses filled to the brim with chilled golden nectar. Although, I did graduate to more of a brown nectar that comes from Boston as I matured...brewer...patriot...
Wow...ADD moment, sorry...let's get back on topic...
Now that I am no longer as active and my jeans do not fit like they did three years ago (I cannot figure out why that is...), I have decided to lose the gut, eat better, and run a half marathon in the fall. Huh? What was that? Yeah, a half marathon. HAHAHA...no, seriously. Obviously, I cannot do this weighing in at fifty pounds overweight, and I am tired of my knee (the one I blew out playing soccer many, many moons ago) telling me everyday that I am overweight...not to mention it is pretty embarrassing to be out of breath after climbing a flight of stairs. Yep...that's what I am going to do.
So, the first part of the journey was to buy an elliptical machine. Remember, I have a bad knee, so I need something to help lose the weight with the least amount of impact...until I can get back to a decent weight...then it doesn't matter! Woohoo! Bring on the treacherous terrain! Well, maybe we will do that after the half marathon...Anyway...elliptical machine...got it.
Second step - break up with Ben & Jerry and all of their friends. Yeah...ummm...that one is a lot easier said than done. I really miss those guys. :( Excuse me for a moment while I wipe the tear forming in my eye...
Okay, I'm back...
Third step - cook healthful meals.
Fourth step - Wait, I thought I was getting back on topic...isn't this a blog about an Aspie kid?
Why, yes, it is, and now we are back on topic.
If I am being conscious about my diet or not, fixing meals my son will eat has always been a chore and a half. Well, not always; there was a time when he would try just about anything. For example, his favorite pizza topping USED to be spinach. Unfortunately, those days are long gone. One day he likes chicken, tomorrow he hates it. He loves Grandma's breaded pork chops (as do I), but if I fix anything that has pork in it, forgetabboutit! This is why I need to be creative...and maybe tell a white lie or two...okay, they are full fledged lies.
If pork is on the menu, it becomes...umm...chicken, yeah, that's it...it's chicken. Pork BBQ is easy since the BBQ sauce masks the coloring. Since he likes Sloppy Joe's and beef BBQ...you got it, that's what it is...sort of. Cod? That one was difficult and I did not succeed with fooling him. But, man, was it good! All that means is I have to be more creative with Cod in the future (and, by the way, I'm open for suggestions!). The biggest problem is that he is very smart. He can usually figure out the true ingredients. Which tells me I need to step up my game a little.
Some of the techniques I have used in the past (other than lying) include; pureeing the questionable food item, disguising it as something else (see Pork BBQ above), sneaking it in when nobody is looking (TVP - Textured Vegetable Protein - more on that later), bribery, and the super fantastic idea of steps (I just realized I have neglected to write about this fantastic tactic! I will devote a full page to this because it is so incredibly amazing...seriously!).
In the effort to get him to make healthy choices, he and I devised a plan to track his eating habits for a week. It was actually his idea, so I ran with it. I explained how calories are what you want to watch, while keeping in mind that some calories are empty calories and serve no useful purpose while others are good calories. I also went into carbs, sugars, protein, veggies, dairy and all of that other good stuff.
I am not a nutrition expert, but I've got enough knowledge to get him started. I pulled up the "myplate" diagram from www.choosemyplate.gov and tried to explain the different segments and what balance means. The best part about all of this is, he was/is actually interested...well, he was for a moment or two. After logging in the first day's list, he promptly asked if he could have a piece of chocolate covered marshmallow (50 empty calories in one serving...which is about 1 inch by 1/2 inch in size).
So, since this is a work in progress, and I am guessing I am not the only one who has troubles fixing meals their kid will eat...let me rephrase that...fixing healthy, well-balanced meals that their kid will eat, I am going to try something. My plan is to continue fixing the healthy meals and report back. If the meal works, I'll explain the process with the ingredients. If it doesn't, I'll refrain from the writing the entire recipe, but will still tell you where you can find it...if you so desire. I hope that this will give other parents of Aspie kids (and non-Aspie kids, of course) a way to get their kids to eat healthy meals. There is one catch, though...the meals must be tasty. I love to eat, and I want to lose weight, but there is no way on earth that I will eat nasty tasting food, just to shed a few pounds!
As always, I am open for suggestions and thank you for reading!
Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!
Then you have the 40-something adult who has never dieted in his life, would eat a pint (sometimes two) of Ben & Jerry's ice cream each evening for four nights in a row (What? The grocery store had a BOGO sale!) on a regular basis, ordered and ate two Little Caesar's pizzas (back when they came side by side) plus garlic cheese bread for dinner, once had three steaks and five baked potatoes for dinner (much to the dismay of his sister and brother-in-law), would create pizza masterpieces when he worked for Domino's (mounds of cheese, bacon, hamburger, pineapple, ham, pepperoni, and whatever else I could pile on before heading home) to enjoy after the late shift, and stayed very clear of anything that closely resembles broccoli, cauliflower, mushrooms, and any other healthy food that grossed me out. Yeah, I was far from a poster child for a health campaign. Well, that's not true, I could have been the left side of the poster...you know, the "Before" side. Don't get me wrong, I am still not on the "Right" side...but I am working on being less of the "Before" and more of the now. In short, if I wanted it, I ate it...and didn't care. But, I was also very active. I played soccer, softball, football, rode my bike, and lifted many 12 to 16 oz glasses filled to the brim with chilled golden nectar. Although, I did graduate to more of a brown nectar that comes from Boston as I matured...brewer...patriot...
Wow...ADD moment, sorry...let's get back on topic...
Now that I am no longer as active and my jeans do not fit like they did three years ago (I cannot figure out why that is...), I have decided to lose the gut, eat better, and run a half marathon in the fall. Huh? What was that? Yeah, a half marathon. HAHAHA...no, seriously. Obviously, I cannot do this weighing in at fifty pounds overweight, and I am tired of my knee (the one I blew out playing soccer many, many moons ago) telling me everyday that I am overweight...not to mention it is pretty embarrassing to be out of breath after climbing a flight of stairs. Yep...that's what I am going to do.
So, the first part of the journey was to buy an elliptical machine. Remember, I have a bad knee, so I need something to help lose the weight with the least amount of impact...until I can get back to a decent weight...then it doesn't matter! Woohoo! Bring on the treacherous terrain! Well, maybe we will do that after the half marathon...Anyway...elliptical machine...got it.
Second step - break up with Ben & Jerry and all of their friends. Yeah...ummm...that one is a lot easier said than done. I really miss those guys. :( Excuse me for a moment while I wipe the tear forming in my eye...
Okay, I'm back...
Third step - cook healthful meals.
Fourth step - Wait, I thought I was getting back on topic...isn't this a blog about an Aspie kid?
Why, yes, it is, and now we are back on topic.
If I am being conscious about my diet or not, fixing meals my son will eat has always been a chore and a half. Well, not always; there was a time when he would try just about anything. For example, his favorite pizza topping USED to be spinach. Unfortunately, those days are long gone. One day he likes chicken, tomorrow he hates it. He loves Grandma's breaded pork chops (as do I), but if I fix anything that has pork in it, forgetabboutit! This is why I need to be creative...and maybe tell a white lie or two...okay, they are full fledged lies.
If pork is on the menu, it becomes...umm...chicken, yeah, that's it...it's chicken. Pork BBQ is easy since the BBQ sauce masks the coloring. Since he likes Sloppy Joe's and beef BBQ...you got it, that's what it is...sort of. Cod? That one was difficult and I did not succeed with fooling him. But, man, was it good! All that means is I have to be more creative with Cod in the future (and, by the way, I'm open for suggestions!). The biggest problem is that he is very smart. He can usually figure out the true ingredients. Which tells me I need to step up my game a little.
Some of the techniques I have used in the past (other than lying) include; pureeing the questionable food item, disguising it as something else (see Pork BBQ above), sneaking it in when nobody is looking (TVP - Textured Vegetable Protein - more on that later), bribery, and the super fantastic idea of steps (I just realized I have neglected to write about this fantastic tactic! I will devote a full page to this because it is so incredibly amazing...seriously!).
In the effort to get him to make healthy choices, he and I devised a plan to track his eating habits for a week. It was actually his idea, so I ran with it. I explained how calories are what you want to watch, while keeping in mind that some calories are empty calories and serve no useful purpose while others are good calories. I also went into carbs, sugars, protein, veggies, dairy and all of that other good stuff.
I am not a nutrition expert, but I've got enough knowledge to get him started. I pulled up the "myplate" diagram from www.choosemyplate.gov and tried to explain the different segments and what balance means. The best part about all of this is, he was/is actually interested...well, he was for a moment or two. After logging in the first day's list, he promptly asked if he could have a piece of chocolate covered marshmallow (50 empty calories in one serving...which is about 1 inch by 1/2 inch in size).
So, since this is a work in progress, and I am guessing I am not the only one who has troubles fixing meals their kid will eat...let me rephrase that...fixing healthy, well-balanced meals that their kid will eat, I am going to try something. My plan is to continue fixing the healthy meals and report back. If the meal works, I'll explain the process with the ingredients. If it doesn't, I'll refrain from the writing the entire recipe, but will still tell you where you can find it...if you so desire. I hope that this will give other parents of Aspie kids (and non-Aspie kids, of course) a way to get their kids to eat healthy meals. There is one catch, though...the meals must be tasty. I love to eat, and I want to lose weight, but there is no way on earth that I will eat nasty tasting food, just to shed a few pounds!
As always, I am open for suggestions and thank you for reading!
Disclaimer...(Yes, its a repeat of the last one...but the blog above is new!) First, let me say that I am not a specialist in Asperger's Syndrome, nor do I play one on TV. What I write or say are strictly my own personal observations and beliefs, so please do not sue me because I said something that made you do something that caused a misdiagnosis, or created a problem, or made you do something stupid. Have accountability, go see a professional, and leave my finances alone...besides, you really wouldn't get much anyway, so its probably not worth your time to call the lawyer on the back of the phone book to see if you have a case. Spend that time more wisely, like figuring out how to subscribe to my blog...and don't ask me about that because I'm not even sure how it works! Seriously, though, if some of the things I say seem like they sound very familiar in your family, set up an appointment with a true professional. While you are waiting for their callback, please, continue reading and leave a note!
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